It feels somewhat surreal to go from the last few weeks of the term with papers and exams for four classes to the unstructured days of holiday break. I assume I am not alone in being greeted with a major cold as the gift that keeps on giving. I am anxiously awaiting the day I wake up with a clear head.
I have my syllabi from the last semester along with my papers and notebooks assembled and am preparing to write my Post-Course Reflections for my Integrated Notebook. Let me break that down a bit. Post-Course Reflections ask questions about each course you have completed and include: major learnings; what you wrestled with in the course; what were personal breakthroughs; and what you discovered about yourself during the course. It takes some discipline to complete these after each semester but the reward is that you can capture important information about your journey through seminary and where certain insights, growth, and stumbling blocks occur. The Integrated Notebook serves as an archive with all of your past papers, reflections, faculty evaluations of your work, etc. It provides an opportunity for you and your faculty advisor to see where you have come from and where you are going.
For me, in my crazy-paced life which tends to focus solely on the present, it provides proof of my hard-earned past and my yearning for the future. In my second year of seminary I can see a major shift in my academic competence and self-perception. Despite my frequent questioning of myself as “minister in formation,” that is exactly what I am. My Christmas list this year took a drastic shift and included a Unitarian Universalist (UU) chalice necklace, The Peoples’ Bible, and a UU Standing on the Side of Love sweatshirt and bag. I am now confident enough to say that I am in seminary and working toward ordination without fear of someone shattering a delicate connection to my new identity.
This week also includes: firming up logistics to secure a full-year (1548 hour) internship at a local UU church (which far exceeds the UTS internship requirement but is required by the Unitarian Universalist Association for ordination); preparation for sermons and services for several UU churches in MN this coming February; reading books to prepare for a 10-day UTS global justice trip to Chiapas, Mexico this January; making a calls for interfaith work in St. Paul to defeat the November 2012 ballot initiative which would enshrine discrimination in the MN constitution regarding the definition of marriage; and I am in discussion about a spiritual direction group with local women clergy this January in order to feed my own spiritual practice.
A quote attributed to Buddha sits within view of my desk “Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.” As unlikely as it seemed a few years ago—I feel like I am becoming a minister. What an incredible gift to be able to do so.
-Laura Smidzik, MDiv student
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